Sad about feeling sad

I'm sad.  And I feel sad for even feeling sad about this, but it's the truth and it's how I feel.  We just learned that one of our couple friends are pregnant again with their second child...

Somewhere deep down I am happy for them.  I know that their daughter deserves to be a big sister as much as I deserve to be a mother, but on the surface I feel sad, hurt and even more let down.  I'm finding that I've been asking myself over and over again lately, "why her and why not me?"   From the girl working out next to me at Barre, to my colleague at work, to many, many friends and even family, I'm wondering why them and why not me??

I told my husband tonight that I'm really trying to find the good in all of this... To see that maybe there's a perfectly good understandable reason that we were chosen to deal with the many struggles of infertility... But as the months pass with no positive pregnancy test, I'm not sure that I will ever see "good" in any of this.

Heading to bed to try and escape my living nightmare and to dream of my perfect, hopefully soon to be conceived, miraculous baby... Uggggh...