Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Ten on Tuesday

I love ToT posts, so I figured I'd join in on the fun...

1.)  I found out yesterday that my IVF cycle has been officially approved by my health insurance company.  One hurdle has been completed successfully.

2.)  I overcame a huge fear of mine this past weekend and finally divulged my infertility "secret" to some of my closest family members.  I feel relieved and extremely comforted by the love and support of my family.  I'm beyond grateful for all of the extra prayers. 

Enough baby/infertility stuff.....

3.)  I'm really, pre-maturely, excited about a future possibility.  Something that will make me very happy.  And content... Two things that I'm really longing for right now in the midst of the above mentioned baby/infertility stuff...

4.)  Dance Moms is on tonight and I'm SO excited.  I love Chloe.  She is my favorite.  Maddie is cute too, but she gets all the attention.  Poor Chloe should have more chances to be on top of the pyramid!

5.)  Today is the first day of Spring.  It is supposed to be 80 degrees on Thursday.  Is it crazy that I'm seriously considering playing hooky from work to lounge at the beach.... in March?!?!

6.)  No matter how many new items of clothing I buy, I still feel the need for more.  I hem and haw in front of my closet every morning before work about having nothing to wear.  It's really pathetic.  Luckily, I have a day at the outlets planned with my mom and sister this weekend - I can't wait!

7.)  Speaking of new items of clothing... I made a BIG purchase the other day (it was bonus day afterall!).  I am now the proud owner of this Burberry coat that I've drooled over for years.  Go figure, the day after I finally dish out the $$$ for this beauty, the weather warms up and I've only been able to don this new purchase once. Argh!

8.)  Belle got groomed this past weekend (we call it her "spaaaaa day").  She was beginning to look like such a little ragga muffin.  Here are some before and after pictures from my iPhone:


9.)  This makes my heart happy.  The kind of happy that wells your eyes up with tears.  I love this woman, my Nana, more than I could ever express in words.  I remember the day that she recorded this so clearly.  My sister had a project for school and asked Nana to talk about the first time she voted.  I will treasure this forever.

10.)  I will also treasure her forever.  I love you, Nana!

Nana on her 90th Birthday and my Wedding day!

well, there you have it... my 1st ToT post!

Aubrey Blair

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Thursday, March 15, 2012

HPT's Don't Lie

Well, my doctor called and confirmed what I already knew... my blood test came back negative and now it's back to the drawing board.  After many, many tears, I think I'm ready to tackle the next step... IVF.  I'm ready, I think...

I'll start taking birth control on Friday and will be taking that darn thing for about 2 weeks.  From there, I'll begin taking Follistim shots and am already praying for lots and lots of follicles... I plan to connect with my doctor again on Monday to ensure that my insurance company will approve IVF this time around... saying lots of prayers for this as well.

I'm a planner.... And I'm thankful that there is a plan in place here.  Albeit, with infertility treatments, plans tend to get thrown out the window at a moment's notice.  While this definitely throws me off course, I know I need to trust God and know that His plan will always supercede the plan I try to grab a hold of and follow.

Last night I read a quote on a blog that I visit frequently... "When you are down to nothing, God is up to something"... 

I sure hope He's up to some baby making for me this month!!!

xoxo, Aubrey Blair

Monday, March 12, 2012


This was the result of 4, yes F-O-U-R home pregnancy tests that I took between Friday evening and this morning.  My blood test is scheduled for Tuesday morning (tomorrow), which is technically still 2 days early, but I'm sure that result of "NOT -" (I guess the "-" is a substitute for the word pregnant) is just foreshadowing my doctor relaying the news that I'm officially "NOT -" when she calls me tomorrow afternoon. 

On the flip side, in the midst of many tears this weekend, I did what any other normal crazy person going through infertility would do.... SCOURED the Internet.  I searched and searched and searched "can you still be pregnant if you had a negative home pregnancy test?".  Normally, throughout my infertility journey the Internet has been a bad, bad place.  In fact, there have been times during this heartbreaking 4 months that my husband has tried to ban me from using the Internet (darn thing is just so accessible these days though... iPhones, iPads, laptop...!).  This time however, the Internet provided me with a glimmer of hope.  Hope that came crashing down with the 3 remaining home pregnancy tests that I took on Saturday, Sunday and this (Monday) morning, all resulting in more negatives.  Each morning I'd report back to my husband "still not pregnant", as if there were a chance that maybe that result would change.  And I guess there is a chance that the result would change (the Internet said so!!!), but I guess I'm just trying to protect myself....

Tomorrow I'll know for sure.  And, while I'm doubtful that the 4 negatives I've received so far will somehow be proven to have been wrong... I still have that slight glimmer of hope... well, because the Internet said so!
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