NOT -

This was the result of 4, yes F-O-U-R home pregnancy tests that I took between Friday evening and this morning.  My blood test is scheduled for Tuesday morning (tomorrow), which is technically still 2 days early, but I'm sure that result of "NOT -" (I guess the "-" is a substitute for the word pregnant) is just foreshadowing my doctor relaying the news that I'm officially "NOT -" when she calls me tomorrow afternoon. 

On the flip side, in the midst of many tears this weekend, I did what any other normal crazy person going through infertility would do.... SCOURED the Internet.  I searched and searched and searched "can you still be pregnant if you had a negative home pregnancy test?".  Normally, throughout my infertility journey the Internet has been a bad, bad place.  In fact, there have been times during this heartbreaking 4 months that my husband has tried to ban me from using the Internet (darn thing is just so accessible these days though... iPhones, iPads, laptop...!).  This time however, the Internet provided me with a glimmer of hope.  Hope that came crashing down with the 3 remaining home pregnancy tests that I took on Saturday, Sunday and this (Monday) morning, all resulting in more negatives.  Each morning I'd report back to my husband "still not pregnant", as if there were a chance that maybe that result would change.  And I guess there is a chance that the result would change (the Internet said so!!!), but I guess I'm just trying to protect myself....

Tomorrow I'll know for sure.  And, while I'm doubtful that the 4 negatives I've received so far will somehow be proven to have been wrong... I still have that slight glimmer of hope... well, because the Internet said so!