How horrible is that? How horrible am I??? Fine. I'll admit it, I AM happy for her. I'm just SO SAD for myself. Why her and not me? I mean really, why not me especially with ALL of the assistance I've had including months and months of medications, injections, IUI's and an IVF? I just don't understand...
Now that I officially know, it's awkward. I feel like I can't talk about it with her. I mean, I really can't talk about it with her. I don't know what I'd say. I don't know that I could say anything without starting to sob. I feel so upset for myself that I just don't think I can have the normal day-to-day conversations with her in fear that this will come up. And now knowing just makes it all that much more difficult. The worst part is that I want to say something to her. I want to be a normal person and ask her how she's feeling, when she's due and all the other questions that I'm DYING for someone to ask me someday. But - I.just.can't. I cannot be that friend to her right now, and it kills me that by not being able to be that friend, I'm not really being a friend at all...
My heart aches today.
1 comment:
Wow. I could have written that exact post. Word for word.
Before TTC I was so excited to hear about pregnancies and wanted to know every detail. Now, like you said, I ignore it completely.
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