Tuesday, June 12, 2012

It's a go!

After hours upon hours of waiting, the Nurse finally called me yesterday late afternoon with my instructions for my retrieval!  I had been on pins and needles since Friday - after my appointment that morning, I really only had about 3-4 follicles (there was 1 lead follicle and a few smaller ones on each ovary).  My doctor wasn't convinced that they would move me forward with the IVF and even mentioned possibly converting me to an IUI.  She had me come back on Saturday morning and then again yesterday (Monday) morning as well.  I still only have 3-4 follicles... 1 lead follicle that measured around 21 mm, 2 that measured around 17 mm and then a smaller one that measured around 14 mm).  I know the cards are stacked against me this time, but I'm just SO thankful that the IVF was not cancelled!

So... last night I stopped my stims (!!!) and took my HCG shot at 11 p.m. (if you know me, I go to bed around 9 p.m. on weeknights so this was quite the feat!).  Today, I do nothing and take nothing.  Tomorrow, my retrieval is scheduled for 11 a.m.  I'm nervous.  Last cycle I had at least a few more follicles that were of good size compared to what we have to work with this cycle.  Last cycle they retrieved 4 eggs, 3 were matrue and only 2 fertilized.  This time, with the decreased numbers, I fear that nothing will be retrieved - or that what is retrieved won't fertilize.  These are the same fears I had with my last cycle of IVF, but this time I have so much less hope based on the numbers...

I spent some time last night going through and organizing the giant box of fertility meds that I have left for this cycle (in the midst of going through my meds, Nick and I found out that another couple that we are friends with are expecting...  Will I ever be happy for people again?!).  I cringed as I pulled out the progesterone syringes - I'll begin taking the PIO shots again tomorrow night (IF anything is retrieved)...

I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm anxious, I'm pessimistic, and even though I have so much less hope this time than I did last time, truthfully, there is a little bit of hope buried deed inside of me.  I'm trying to grab ahold of that hope and clench it with all of my might. I just don't want to be let down again...

Praying for a successful retrieval tomorrow and for just one lucky egg!

Aubrey Blair

No comments:

Site Design By Designer Blogs