Sunday, February 24, 2013

Reason #672868 Why IF Causes Social Anxiety

This afternoon I treated myself to a little pampering... I went to get a manicure and pedicure (yes, it was nice, but no, it didn't help.  Nothing helps).  I always look forward to relaxing while my feet soak in the warm spa tub and I leave with pretty toes and nails.  But this afternoon just was not my day.

First, the woman next to me in the pedicure room was going on and on and on and on and on about how tough it is having two kids.  Now obviously, not having children, or even a child, of my own I wouldn't know.  BUT, what I do know is that if I ever become that lucky, I will not - I repeat - will not be overheard complaining about the following:

1. What a complete chore it is to have to put my children's coats and boots on them just to leave the house in the winter.  Nope, instead I'll be praising God that I'm lucky enough to be able to have a reason to buy those adorable little baby items.  And to put those adorable baby items ON MY BABIES every winter.

2. How annoying it will be when my husband has to call me, while I'm fiiiiiinally able to enjoy some "me" time by getting my toes done, to ask me a question about our six month old baby.  Nope, I'll gladly welcome that my husband places to me that is with regard to our miracle baby. 

3. That my chunka munka (ugh, she's soooo heavy that I can barely carry her around in her carrier... gag me) baby just won't eat any real food because she's constantly attached to my boob (seriously, this woman was something else).  Nope, should I ever have the chance for 'my girls' to produce milk, I'll, first of all, probably keep it to myself and if I don't, I most definitely won't talk to the pedicurist - of all people - about my milk supply but second of all, I.WON'T.COMPLAIN.  Nope... rather, I will be thanking God that I'm able to feed my child.  My child.  You know, that CAME FROM ME!!!  Something that, today I realize, isn't nearly as easy as it's made out to be.

Basically I learned that you never, never, know what the person beside you is going through or has gone through.  People need to be quiet.  Would I be this upset if this woman was quietly having a conversation with her pedicurist?  No (actually, I probably would). But, seriously people - she was basically shouting for the entire salon to hear.  Yes, lady.  We get it.  You have two kids and it's soooo hard.  But stop and think for a second, just a second, about how lucky you are!

You can imagine how thankful I was once my toes were painted flamenco pink and I was on my way to have my nails done...

I sat down in a chair and let out a big sigh as the manicurist took a hold of my left hand and began filing my nails.  As she got to my ring finger, she caught a glimpse of my wedding band and the following conversation ensued:

Manicurist: Oh you're married?!
Me:  Yes (I smile and think of the love of my life).
Manicurist:  How long?
Me:  Three years (In my head I'm thinking: Shit, I totally know where this is going.  THIS IS NOT THE TIME, LADY.  Not.the.time).
Manicurist:  Hm.  You have kids?
Me:  No.
Manicurist:  No kids?!
Me:  No.
Manicurist:  Ohhh, three years you've been married and no kids?!
Me:  NO!  And maybe never (Yes I really said that, because it's true - I may never have kids at this rate.  I was also hoping she'd get a clue once she heard my response and that she would just stop.  But she didn't.).
Manicurist:  Oh, well.... you're still young.
Me:  Smile.  I simply stop talking.  Who cares that I'm young, that I'm only thirty.  My eggs are old.  I've had five flipping IVF transfers.  Eleven of my 'babies' have basically died the second they were placed in my uterus.  Seriously?  I just wanted to yank my hands away and run out of there.
Manicurist:  You don't have kids because you want to work?
Me:  Smile and nod.  I still say nothing.  I can't even speak to this meddling woman anymore.  Oh, and news flash Ms. Manicure Lady, EVEN IF I HAD A BABY, I'D STILL BE WORKING (!!!), thankyouverymuch.

That's all.  Oh, and I'm absolutely having heart palpitations as I type all of this out and replay my afternoon's ridiculousness over in my head.

I'm also having major social anxiety about this week's National Sales Meeting.  Last year at our annual meeting, I had to skip a day because of IUI #3 (which was supposed to be IVF #1).  A year later and I'm nowhere closer to my baby.


Amy said...

Oh Aubrey. That is exactly why I prefer to stay home in my pj's with my puppy.
I had just about the same conversation with a woman at puppy school last week. I'd rather be a "bitch" and not talk to anybody to spare myself the pain of the baby/kid questions.
And the kid/baby/pregnancy complains are the WORST. Makes me sick.
Today I drove to the grocery store and had to turn around and come home because I just couldn't do it. Couldn't do something as simple as buying groceries. I hate what my life has become.

the blogivers said...

Ahh... this reminds me of the time I went to get my hair cut a week after my miscarriage only to find out my (unmarried) stylist was pregnant (on accident, oops!), and even after I TOLD HER about my miscarriage, she still went on and on and on about her pregnancy. I try to remember that most people who are insensitive really just don't get it :-/

Aramis said...

Ugh. You should have said something to shut her up and feel totally uncomfortable, like "No, no kids, I'm infertile and it's very difficult." Might have made her think down the road before pestering someone else. Gah! People.

Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimples said...

I seriously want to punch both of the ladies in the face...I'm angry for you. People are so lame. Sheesh!

And by the way...I freakin' love you and wish you lived in Cali so we could be real life friends. Just added you to my blog love page.

I can relate to everything you write. Hugs!

Unknown said...

I can totally relate to this! I was getting a pedicure one day and the lady doing my toes had the nerve to tell me.. and I quote.. "Teachers should definitely have children before they are allowed to teach!!"
I about fell on the floor. People sometimes just need to shut up!

Thank you for venting on here! I'm sending prayers and love your way! :))

Lya said...

Uhg! I'm so mad for you! I think I would have punched them right then and there.
I'm so sorry that the time that was supposed to be a treat and a little escape from everything made it so much worse.

Erika said...

OMG!!!!!!!!! I think that right now, if you asked, you could have a whole GANG of bloggers boarding planes to MA to beat the crap out of the people at that salon. HOLY CRAP THE INSENSITIVITY. Wow. I am so, so sorry you had to suffer through that.

JenS said...

I agree with everyone else. I want to punch those women in the face. Especially the one complaining about her kids. Sorry it wasn't the relaxing experience you were looking for.

Sally said...

Wow that gave me heart palpitations too. YUCK. I also want to punch her.

I think of you so often Aubrey, and it helps me to be a better mother....because you remind me that there is just NOTHING to complain about in motherhood.

Seriously let's all go punch this woman. Right. Now.

Christen said...

I am so, so sorry, Aubrey! That bitch complaining about putting a coat on her little ones?? Really?? I second Sally's idea to punch (both) women in the face.

Anonymous said...

I found your blog a few weeks ago and have been stalking you ever since :). I totally relate to everything you post in your blog. I found out today that I'm not pregnant and am drowning my sorrows with a bottle of wine tonight. I'm a NICU nurse and the things I see in my profession are just appalling. How some women get pregnant at the drop of a hat is just so unfair. How can God allow these mothers who are so unfit (ie drug addicts and prostitutes and people who already have 10 kids on welfare) to conceive? It's enough to make me lose all hope, but then I remember that I am giving up on my future baby and that's enough to keep me going. Keep your head up Aubrey and know that God has a plan for you (and me too).
And I get so mad just thinking about someone complaining about their kids. IT'S A BLESSING!!! I can't go anywhere because it's like I am a magnet for all the pregnant woman and newborns. Somehow I always end up getting seated or sandwiched in line between them. God, give us a break! It's like we have a sign on our forehead that says "INFERTILE" - aka sit next to me and complain about how you're so OVER being pregnant and how you got pregnant without even trying. Seriously!
Anyway, enough of my rambling. I just want you to know you have people out there praying for you. Also, know that you are helping many of us suffering with IF. It's nice to have a "friend" that can help you through that truly understands the excruciating pain that IF bestows upon its victims.
God Bless!

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