1. I arrived home from work last night to a rather large box sitting on my front doorstep. While, yes, I've done way too much Internet shopping the last few weeks, sadly, the box didn't include any new Nine West shoes or Old Navy bathing suits. Nope. The box was full of this:
And I would be lying if I said I've been cool, calm and collected ever since opening this box of no-fun.
2. No, I'm going to blame my complete and utter, insane and irrational meltdown in the car this morning on getting those meds last night. It was bad. There were tears, yelling (Nick), screaming (me) and more tears (the tears were ALL me).
3. Naturally, we were fighting because we were sitting in oodles of traffic on the way to work this morning and I declared that the traffic is EXACTLY the reason why we have to move (anyone who knows me knows that I've wanted to move out of my house since before I even moved into my house) (obviously, moving is the last thing that we can do right now thanks to infertility and CCRM, which just sends me into an even bigger fit of fury and rage!).
4. The horrible Boston traffic that I complain about on a daily basis is also the reason I missed my barre class last night. Normally, any excuse to not work out is welcomed by me but once I start my next cycle, working out will be banned and so I'm trying to go overboard with the barre workouts now, while I still can have a somewhat normal looking body. Once I start those above pictured awful, horrible meds, I can kiss a somewhatsortofflattummy good-bye.
5. Nick should know better not to
fight (Nick doesn't really 'fight', so I guess I should use the word instigate, instead) with someone who's been on Estrogen, Testosterone and Prometrium for the past month (perhaps a silver lining of an IVF cycle? I can't be blamed for anything I say or do. It's the medicine's fault. Right?).
6. Nick apologized. I cried. And cried and cried and cried. And then complained that it's not fair. And that so much has been taken away from me over the past two and a half years.
7. I can't keep my head above water at work. I'm swamped and stressed.
8. I'm stopping my meds a full day earlier than I had anticipated (I initially had to start one of them a day early and rather than get my prescription re-filled, I've been instructed to just stop them all on Thursday)...
9. Which meeeeeeans, perhaps my period will come a day earlier than it's tentatively scheduled to and then I won't have to stress as much about missing any of my new job training. That would be nice, right? Well, I got an e-mail today that my new job training was also pushed up a day and begins with an evening reception on Sunday the 14th. Arghhhhh!
10. I haven't even looked into flights, hotels or rental cars yet. I'm too scared to let myself believe that this is happening. Once it happens, then I'll have answers and I'm scared to get those answers.