Monday, June 8, 2015

ONE and some updates...

OK, seriously... somehow I blinked and my little 33 week pre-mature babies are ONE!  What?!  How is that even possible?!  I mean, I'm still not over the fact that I'm a Mom!  ME!  An actual mother.  Of TWO beautiful little boys.  After ALL that... years of infertility, months of doctor's appointments, infertility oral meds, injections, tears (oh the tears I've shed), IVF after IVF, a difficult pregnancy, an incredibly scary delivery, perhaps an even scarier recovery... And here I am.  A mother.  And I've been one now for 368 days.  It will never, ever get old.

I was beyond excited to celebrate our little boys' first birthday this past weekend.  I had been planning their Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood themed party for months.  Mostly because I've been so excited to finally have the chance to plan a first birthday party for my child(ren).  But also because when the boys were born, it was tough to really celebrate.  A NICU stay doesn't really shout 'come visit us!'.  And then there's also the fact that I was nearly 34 weeks pregnant for their party (I have been worried for this entire pregnancy that I wouldn't make it beyond 33 weeks again).  I had everything planned, outlined and labeled just in case I wouldn't have been able to make it to my boys' party myself.  Thank the Lord that was not the case.  I cleared 33 weeks last Monday and I couldn't be more grateful.  So on Sunday, I joyfully took it all in.  And seeing the pure excitement in my boys' eyes is something I'll never, ever forget.  What an amazing day!

In other news - life is crazy.  I still struggle day in and day out with being a full-time working mom.  Nothing about it is easy, that's for sure.  I often wonder if it's ever something that I'll be able to really embrace.  The constant worry about not being with my kids enough vs. not being present enough at my job during the working day... the struggle is real, my friends. 
We have, however, been blessed with a nanny who is just truly one of the lights of my life right now.  She is amazing not just for my boys, but for me, too!  The boys adore her and it honestly feels like she has already become a part of our family in such a short period of time.  The boys are also going to be starting daycare two days a week mid-June.  While I'm absolutely nervous about this new stage in their little lives, I also know deep down, that this is absolutely the best and right thing for them.  I'm excited for the boys to have more social interaction with other children and I'm eager to see how much they will grow from this new environment. 

Finley will be here soon!  Just over a month!  And while I'm beyond excited to meet my sweet daughter, I'm also a little worried for the boys.  Not necessarily in terms of how they'll react to the baby, but more so how they'll be when I'm in the hospital for a few days.  I just want everything to remain as consistent and as normal for them as possible.  From my past history, all I know is complication upon complication during recovery, so I'm worried about that, too.

Other than that, I'm just plugging away over here.  I'm beyond ready to embrace what will hopefully be another four months off from work.  I'm ready to spend what will feel like more quality time with my three (!!!!) children.  I'm ready to meet Finley.  And I'm ready (I think!) for the challenge of becoming a Mom to three under 13.5 months (AHHH!)! 
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