Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Ten Things

1.  I arrived home from work last night to a rather large box sitting on my front doorstep.  While, yes, I've done way too much Internet shopping the last few weeks, sadly, the box didn't include any new Nine West shoes or Old Navy bathing suits.  Nope.  The box was full of this:
And I would be lying if I said I've been cool, calm and collected ever since opening this box of no-fun.

2.  No, I'm going to blame my complete and utter, insane and irrational meltdown in the car this morning on getting those meds last night.  It was bad.  There were tears, yelling (Nick), screaming (me) and more tears (the tears were ALL me).

3.  Naturally, we were fighting because we were sitting in oodles of traffic on the way to work this morning and I declared that the traffic is EXACTLY the reason why we have to move (anyone who knows me knows that I've wanted to move out of my house since before I even moved into my house) (obviously, moving is the last thing that we can do right now thanks to infertility and CCRM, which just sends me into an even bigger fit of fury and rage!).

4.  The horrible Boston traffic that I complain about on a daily basis is also the reason I missed my barre class last night.  Normally, any excuse to not work out is welcomed by me but once I start my next cycle, working out will be banned and so I'm trying to go overboard with the barre workouts now, while I still can have a somewhat normal looking body.  Once I start those above pictured awful, horrible meds, I can kiss a somewhatsortofflattummy good-bye.

5.  Nick should know better not to fight (Nick doesn't really 'fight', so I guess I should use the word instigate, instead) with someone who's been on Estrogen, Testosterone and Prometrium for the past month (perhaps a silver lining of an IVF cycle?  I can't be blamed for anything I say or do.  It's the medicine's fault.  Right?).

6.  Nick apologized.  I cried.  And cried and cried and cried.  And then complained that it's not fair.  And that so much has been taken away from me over the past two and a half years.

7.  I can't keep my head above water at work.  I'm swamped and stressed.

8.  I'm stopping my meds a full day earlier than I had anticipated (I initially had to start one of them a day early and rather than get my prescription re-filled, I've been instructed to just stop them all on Thursday)...

9.  Which meeeeeeans, perhaps my period will come a day earlier than it's tentatively scheduled to and then I won't have to stress as much about missing any of my new job training.  That would be nice, right?  Well, I got an e-mail today that my new job training was also pushed up a day and begins with an evening reception on Sunday the 14th.  Arghhhhh!

10.  I haven't even looked into flights, hotels or rental cars yet.  I'm too scared to let myself believe that this is happening.  Once it happens, then I'll have answers and I'm scared to get those answers.

23 comments:

Amanda said...

Holy cow! Every time I see a picture of all of these IVF meds I sort of gag/pass out/cry all at once... seriously though, how do you have enough surface area for all of those shots? It just seems unreal!

I'm sorry you're stressed and having some rough days... and yes, you can blame everything on the meds. I'm hopeful your next cycle starts in record time and that this is the beginning of something BEAUTIFUL! Hang in there friend! Hugs!

the blogivers said...

Ugh. Blah.

Those are the 2 words that come to mind when I think about what you have on your plate. I'm sorry :(

Gypsy Mama said...

You are completely justified to be feeling moody. I get really cranky on the meds too (and I wasn't taking testosterone)

I hope all of this stress will be over for you soon. It certainly takes its toll. As for now, just take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are a strong woman who can deal with all of this. Positive thinking has done wonders for me. And when all else fails, eat ice cream ;)

Laura said...

It's amazing how a box full with thousands of dollars worth of meds can make you feel like things just got real! It's very overwhelming and scary!!!

I'm sorry things aren't going so well right now, I do hope things calm down soon. Everything you're going through right now is a lot to deal with.

Hang in there, I've been keeping you in my thoughts!!
XO


Suzanne said...

Oh the giant box of meds. You are in for so much fun!! I say that, but it wasn't too bad for me. I didn't have any bruising or have issues with bloating like some do. I hope you have a similar experience (well, with a much better outcome!)

I ADORE barre classes. They are all I do. I've been trying to find one while I'm here in Cali so I can get my behind in shape for vacay since I took off last month for my IVF!

Totally understand the moodiness and frustrations. You are giving this everything and it's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed, anxious, scared and nervous.

You are starting SO soon! So excited to follow along. Bummed that we'll JUST be missing each other in Denver by less than a week!

Erika said...

Girl, what a nightmare!! Definitely blame the meds (and traffic) on everything. I hate that the new job training is stress piled on top of everything else! ugh!

shay said...

i just got my box of meds that looks ALMOST exactly the same this morning! i had to take off so i could be home when UPS delivered it. And its just this sick feeling you get when you realize you're injecting almost all of it into you. SIGH.

i also had my mental breakdown yesterday night after i psyched myself out from doing my 2nd shot of the night... so you're not alone.

Praying so hard this works for you this time around! Hugs!

stacey said...

I'm right there with. I'm in the middle of an FET and my hormones would put a teenage girl to shame! I totally feel ya.

Team Harries said...

Sweet girl, that is a lot of meds!!! Prayers for you this week and your communication with the hubs!! Traffic makes everything stressful :(

Well-intentioned said...

Ah yes...the scary box of meds. But you can do this! It's okay (and really "normal" on IVF) to have a few break downs. Cry it out...wipe it up...and keep up the good fight! :o)

nogoodeggs said...

that is an overwhleming pile of drugs. I can imagine that it must be tough to feel optimistic right now, but I hope that you do! Its a new clinic and a new protcol!!!

Aramis said...

My clinic sells the meds itself, so I always pick them up as I need them and have never stacked them all up like this. I'm sure I'd be overwhelmed if I saw it all in one place too! I honestly think that IVF and infertility lowers your stress threshold so that it's much harder to deal with normal everyday issues with a clear head. It's a combo of the drugs and everything else!

Melissa said...

It IS the meds. You can TOTALLY blame the meds. I mean... i'm serious! Haha.

We live in a trailer. And i hate it. He had it before we got married so this is where we live. I made it cute enough & all, but it happens to be in the GHETTO! Lovely!!! We have almost made 5 years of marriage, i thought FOR SURE we'd have a house (not in the ghetto) by now!

All that to say - i totally get the wanting to move!! :o/

Ashley said...

I'm going swim suit shopping tomorrow... I dread it!! I also hate menopur! It burns like hell FYI. I know you are overwhelmed, but think of it this way you are closer to accomplishing your dream!! It's not fair that we all have to go through this, but we will and the end goal is coming closer and closer. Thinking of you!

Amber said...

Hubby and I had one of those freak out moments in a car with our last cycle. It was after transfer, though, and I totally blamed the meds and possible pregnancy hormones. Then we were scared that our fight might have ruined the whole thing. Turns out I got pregnant after all. I'm so sorry things have been so stressful and crazy. The meds and stress definitely take their toll. On the positive, that big box of meds puts you that much closer to potentially fulfilling your dreams! Ahhhh!!!! Good luck!

Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimples said...

Oh Aub, my love! Having work stress on top of all of the infertility stuff is a LOT. For anyone. Hang in there.

It's never fun getting that box but I'm soo soo hopeful for you. Thinking of you!

Sally said...

Really hoping you find some relief from being so overwhelmed!! You definitely deserve a break. Sending tons of love & relaxation & positive thoughts your way!!! xoxo

dspence said...

Oh, my heart hurts for you as I read this. Praying and praying and praying for you to feel peace!!

JoJo said...

Let the "fun" begin. Those emotional rollercoasters are totally justifiable!! First of all were women who are already emotionally chaotic add a little extra hormones and well its not a surprise. Hang in there sweets. Hoping this cycle goes smoothly and fast for you.

Risa said...

Yay! Look at all those meds! We have a lot of the same ones! Hang in there. Man I cry a lot from these meds. I totally understand you. :)

Em said...

So sorry about all of this. It's a lot...A LOT...to deal with.

kharini said...

Sorry I've been MIA but wanted to stop by to see how you are doing. I see you are totally in the midst of it all, the meds totally screw me up mentally and physically too. I know how you feel, totally, those meds really mess up with your emotions, they create extra anxiety, they make everything seem a lot worse than it already is... Hang in there doll. Once you fly out to Denver things will calm down a bit. Fingers crossed for you.

Sarah said...

I took a picture of my box contents when they came, too. It's definitely overwhelming, and I can totally relate to your feelings and emotions... boo for infertility! Sending prayers your way :)

 
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