That we'll ever go from this...
To this...?
We spent last night with Nick's sisters, their husbands and our niece and nephews. The six of us have a strong bond and have always been close. We spent two weeks together in Greece five and a half years ago and since then have always loved our "sibling nights". Many times, Nick and I would rather sit around a table with beer, wine and a cribbage board in the company of my sisters in law and brothers in law than a night out with our friends.
Both of my sisters in law experienced infertility themselves. One is currently struggling with secondary infertility and is pleading with God to bless her with a sibling for her six year old son. They understand where I am in this most painful journey. They get it (and I'm truly so thankful for that). BUT... they both overcame it. They both have children. They gave me two beautiful nephews and one beautiful niece. They made me an Auntie, a job that I love. But that job also breaks my heart. I look at those little faces and my heart melts. Will being an Aunt be the closest I'll ever get to being a mom? Will these children (and other children, someday, from my sister) be the closest children I'll ever have to my own?
Is it possible that I can give my niece and nephews another cousin? Is it possible that we can have a family, beyond just the one that consists of me, Nick and Belle?
Will God ever grant me my most desired wish? I don't want to feel left out anymore... left out of the mommy club. My heart aches today.
Praying that at least a little bit of good luck will be had by all today - Happy St. Patrick's Day!
xoxo
10 comments:
:( our older sister had 4 kids with zero problems... and though I loved them and loved spending time with them, it was also a painful reminder when we were dealing with infertility. Hopefully they are just giving you good practice for when your time comes :)
Feeling your pain today Aubrey! We kept my niece last night. Sweet/sad. When I failed to put her to sleep, Sam took her. I found him 30 minutes later rocking her to sleep in his arms. Tell me that man doesn't deserve to be a dad. Broke my heart. I hate sucking at womanhood.
The answer to tht question is yes you WILL! Don't let infertility and all of its badness ruin your dreams!! You will have a family if your own, you already do! You will be a mom!! Have faith, and most importantly have hope!! I know how easy it is to think those thoughts, but they won't get you anywhere good!!
Sounds like a bittersweet evening. I'm glad your sisters-in-law can at least relate to your frustrations, even if they're not in exactly the same place.
May the good luck spread to all of us!
Those evenings can be so wonderful and hard at the same time. I have to believe that our time will come, whether it gets harder before it gets better, we'll all get through this and come out the other side as wonderful mothers. Cute pup!. xo
I feel your pain. I absolutely love being an Auntie! I love my nieces and nephews so much! It also might be the closest we ever get to parenthood. I hope that's not the case, but if it is, I am so grateful that God gave us these kids to love.
We can all get down in the dumps sometimes with this aweful struggle. YOU WILL become part of the mommy club and spending time with your nieces and nephews is just giving you practice.
Looks like you make an amazing auntie, and I know you'll make an amazing mother from all the practice you're getting and all the patiently waiting you are doing. I know it is just so so hard. As happy as we are for others, especially family members, there are days when the fear of just never getting there ourselves comes to a head. For me, it's most days that I feel that way. Just want you to know you are not alone, but I do think our time WILL come. Be patient and stay faithful. It will happen! You are so adorable with those kids by the way. Very cute pics :)
Thinking of you. And loving those pics!
Since I started following you after you had your boys, I've been reading through your archives, and it just makes me teary to read your posts knowing about your miracles. You have twin boys and a baby girl! Oh, sweet redemption. Thank you for writing down your journey so that others can see evidence of the miraculous.
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