Sunday, March 3, 2013


On Friday night, Nick and I had dinner with his cousin and her fiance.  Nick's cousin has become a good friend of mine over the years and while I wasn't completely up for a night out, I knew I couldn't back out.  She recently got engaged and I'm excited for her... I also thought that maybe going out would be good for me.  And it was.  It was nice to go out.  But it didn't take any of my heart ache away - nope, I'm still carrying around every bit of that awful, gut wrenching pain.

Anyway, at the end of dinner, Nick's cousin asked us to be their koumbari.  In a Greek Orthodox wedding ceremony, the bride and groom need to choose at least a koumbaro (male) or a koumbara (female).  Essentially, the koumbari are religious sponsors and are important witnesses of the union.  They also partake in many of the rituals during the wedding ceremony (since I'm not Greek Orthodox, Nick will handle these).  But perhaps the most important role of the koumbari is that they will be the god parents to your first child.  Isn't that crazy?  That, as the bride and groom, you're choosing your unborn child's god parents before your child is even conceived?  Along with the honor of being asked to take on this extremely important (to the Greek Orthodox) role, came this:

we better have a baby before them... before we become god parents to someone else's (un conceived) baby, we better be actual parents to our own.

I'm just being honest here.  I thought that.  I'm still thinking that.  

Yes, I'm still very, very honored.  But, I'm also feeling really, really bad for myself.  What I can't seem to understand is, why can becoming pregnant be so difficult if it's exactly what's supposed to happen?!  Really.  Becoming pregnant, having a baby, growing your family, raising a child... those are all things that are intended for all of us.  I mean, the Greek Orthodox go so far as to make you choose your un conceived baby's god parents before you even say 'I do'!  Infertility isn't supposed to exist.  It's not supposed to happen.  

So, if it's not supposed to happen, then why is it happening to me?

I hate this... but I'm still honored.  Very honored.


Christen said...

I can definitely understand the mixed emotions!! Them asking you to fill this role is a testament to what an awesome person you are... but I can also understand that it would be incredibly sad to be a godparent without children of your own. Thinking of you!!

Risa said...

Ugh that's got to be so conflicting. They must know how awesome of a mom you would be! Hugs to you.

Jennifer said...

I agree that this would cause me very mixed emotions. Hang in there.

Amber said...

What an incredible honor, but definitely agree. I don't know how you can walk away from that dinner without feeling the way you do. It's so innocent of them to ask you to be their children's Godparent before they are even married, just because it's the natural progression. Some of us just get to experience life in a different way...

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