Thursday, April 25, 2013

BETA 3 Results

I spoke to my nurse at CCRM this afternoon and she had already received my results from Innovative Reproductive Solutions.  Aaannnnnd... the BETA 3 integrins are present in my lining.  They are not missing.  I, indeed, have "the sticky stuff" required for an embryo or two, or, in my case - eleven - to implant.

Sigh.

And so, with that news, came a whole heck of a lot of worry this evening.  The possibility that our issue is, and has been, genetically lethal embryos is... well, it's devastating.  Heartbreaking.  And scary.  My goodness, is it scary.  Many thoughts have entered my mind since speaking to my nurse this afternoon... should we even go through with this?  Should we empty our savings account for the (pretty big) possibility of yet another failure?  Should we give up on a baby with both of our genes?  Should we move on to another option for expanding our family?

I've asked myself all of those questions tonight.  I've asked Nick all of those questions tonight.  We've gone over and over and then over again those very questions to the point of exhaustion.  And every single time our answers are the same.  Yes.  Yes.  No.  No.  Yes, we should go through with this.  Yes, we should empty our savings account, even though there is the (pretty big) possibility of yet another failure.  No, we should not give up on having a baby with both of our genes.  And, no, we should not move on to another option... yet.  

A part of me is a little bit thankful to know that my uterus is officially not the problem and that another piece to this puzzle of ours has been solved today.

I am not giving up on my miracle baby.

I am still praying...

20 comments:

Laura said...

Those are some seriously tough questions to have to answer, my heart breaks thinking about how tough this has been. I'm glad you are going to keep trying, I've been praying like crazy for you guys!

Keep your head up, sending you a big virtual hug! XOXO

Amanda said...

Yay/crap! I'm not really sure how to take this news (as I'm sure you're feeling as well). I'm glad you're pushing forward… You'll know when/if it's time to move to a different plan. But, I think there is a positive take away here for sure: if you do decide someday (whether post miracle baby of your own genes or not) to try with donor eggs or embryos there appears to be no reason why you can't carry a baby.

I don't know where you fall in all of this, but for me, if I had to choose to have my child be genetically related to me OR to give birth to the child… well, for me it's a no brainer. I'd rather carry a child made from someone else's egg than to have someone else carry my child. Simply personal preference, but I'm here, fighting for this baby because I want the experience. If you align more with that side as well, then you've received good news!

I hope you can find a silver lining to this and rest in your decision to move forward. If nothing else, now you know. Hugs!

the blogivers said...

Just gonna keep praying...

Suzanne said...

I hate how hard this has to be for you. It's so hard to be happy that one thing is "okay" knowing that it could mean something else is wrong. You're at the right place. Knowing another piece of the puzzle gets you closer to where you need to be. I'm still hoping and praying for you that CCRM can make your dreams come true. Hugs as you make these difficult decisions.

Suzanne said...
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Erika said...

I hate that you have to make these insanely hard decisions over...and over...and over...and over again. :( Praying for peace and wisdom for you and Nick! And maybe a lottery win! (If you share)

Gypsy Mama said...

I'm happy to hear that you and your hubby are on the same page moving forwardand that you got one more piece to your puzzle today. I hope you get your BFP soon!

Ashley said...

Yay for the good news!!! I hope you are able to get more answers soon! Hoping for the best results!!!

nogoodeggs said...

ugh. its hard to know what kind of info and answers you want in this situation. but i am glad the test is done and you have had time to reflect. you have to do what feels comfortable for you, and it sounds like you are both on the same page. you dont want to move on to other options unless you are 100% sure. minimize regret. so i am glad that you are going to go for it with CCRM! Thinking very positive thoughts that this will be the answer for your take home baby!

Sally said...

It is amazing that you have such a wonderful partner to go through this with. I can't imagine how hard this is, but it's awesome that you are together on this and continuously have the same answers to your questions! xoxo

Team Harries said...

I don kno anything or understand the beta 3 test but I do know that I'm praying for you!!! For a peace that passes all understanding!

Team Harries said...

*dont know

Janet said...

I'll be praying right along with you ((HUGS))

Melissa said...

Praying for you, girl. Praying the scary thing is not an issue. Praying for a miracle soon.

Wish i could hug you, even though i just found your blog!:)

Emily said...

It is so damn hard not having THE ANSWER when things don't work. I think you do have good reason to celebrate this news as a victory though. Although you don't have some new clue to the puzzle, at least you don't require treatment for yet another thing know what I mean? I'm glad you guy aren't giving up! I will be routing you on as you begin your cycle with CCRM!

kharini said...

I am very glad you have the protein, and I'm very glad you are not giving up. I truly believe you have a great shot at this!

rainbeforerainbow said...

It's great that you & your husband are on the same page and were able to make a decision so quickly. Those are tough questions, but it sounds like you made the right decision for you. You never want to wonder about what might have been. I'm SO hopeful that you'll get that BFP soon :)

Amber said...

It's great news that you have a healthy uterus, although I understand the frustration of not having answers. Have you had your embryos genetically tested? Will you be doing that? It's so good that you and your husband are on the same page moving forward. I'll keep hoping and praying for you!

JoJo said...

I'm glad that your results came back good but I can understand ur new concern. I am praying that you guys can get past this and have ur miracle baby.

Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimples said...

Your faith is inspiring! It must be nice that you and your hubby are both on the same page in terms of when to stop and when to move forward. I believe you are crossing things off to get one step closer to your miracle baby.

 
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