Tuesday, November 19, 2013

I Believe in Miracles

I can't even believe that these words are coming out of my mouth, but.... it worked!  It actually worked!  I.... am.... pregnant.  It is a miracle.  I am living proof of a miracle.

Somehow, I held out and didn't POAS during the entire nine day wait.  My blood test was on Friday morning and I waited all day for the call from CCRM.  It was the longest wait of my life.... but it was so worth it!  My nurse called and told me that my HCG level was 394.... a number I will always remember.  She told me I was four weeks pregnant and that my due date is July 24th.  Still, I can't believe it.... at all.

I went back for more blood work on Sunday and as many of you know, they were looking for my HCG level to double, or for it to just be close to having doubled.  I was nervous all day waiting for the call, but when it came in, I was elated.  My HCG level two days later was 1,301.... another number I will always remember.  That was my last HCG check.  Now, I will go to my local fertility clinic for weekly blood draws to check my estrogen and progesterone levels so that my meds can be adjusted, if necessary.  My first ultrasound is in two weeks and I'm already on pins and needles just thinking about that day....

After learning that I was in fact pregnant, I finally drove to the drugstore and bought a box of pregnancy tests.  Nick was hesitant for me to take the test - we both have very bad memories from those darn sticks.  But, I told him that I just had to see two lines.... something that until Sunday morning, I've never seen.
Of course with all of this excitement and happiness comes a wave of other emotions.  First and foremost: fear.  It's so early.  So, so, early.  Most 'normal' people probably wouldn't even know yet that they're pregnant.  And that's scary.  There are a lot of hurdles that we'll have to jump over in the coming weeks and months.  But, I'm trying really hard not to focus on all of my fear and worry.  I'm trying to be happy in this moment.... a moment that after six IVF retrievals and transfers, I never imagined possible.  I had started to think that I just couldn't get pregnant.  That there was something more wrong with me that no doctor, not even one of the best in the world, could see.  I was wrong, though.  I can get pregnant.  I am pregnant.  And I will forever be thankful to those who helped get me to where I am today. 

I believe in miracles.  I'm living proof of one.
flowers from the man who I know will be the best daddy in the world!

 

98 comments:

Amanda said...

Sobbing! So happy... this is ridiculous, I already knew this, but I'm still sobbing! I just cannot get over this! I am so freaking excited for you, Aubrey! Can't wait to hear more good news soon! Love you, friend!

Amanda Griswold said...

Congrats mamma!!!! So happy for you!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations! I think you should get ready to hear twins at your first ultrasound. I am 23 weeks pregnant with boy twins! Our blasts looked the same and my beta numbers were 366, then 1366.

dspence said...

PRAISE GOD!!! Congratulations!!!!!

jAllen said...

So happy for you and Nick, drink in every moment of this joy as you've waited so long to see those two lines!

Erika said...

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Girl I have been SO excited all night, I prayed for you every time I woke up!!! SOO thankful for this great news!!

Emily Erin said...

So happy for you! So glad that you got to see those two lines, and very hopeful that it's the beginning of a beautiful and easy pregnancy and entry into Mommy-hood! Congratulations to you and Nick-- holding you up in prayer.

Suzanne said...

I'm not sure any post has ever made me happier. Tears of joy and silly 80's dancing moves of celebration going on in my office right now!! Congrats my dear, dear friend. xoxoxo

Emily said...

Words cannot express how happy I am for you. You are going to be an ah-may-zing mother! Congrats to you and Nick both!

Anonymous said...

Congrats!!! Best wishes for a smooth pregnancy!

Amie said...

Aw this is the best news!!! So happy for you!! CONGRATS!!

Katie Jeanne said...

OMG, Aubrey! I am SOOOO excited for you! I know it is easier said than done, but enjoy every opportunity you have with this little one or these little ones. God has a special plan for you and we are so incredibly happy for you and Nick! I definitely think you are having twins :) God bless you my dear!

Lya said...

Yeeeeessss!!!!!
Sobbing over here! These are such great news to wake up to!!!! Congratulations!!!!!
Happy dancing, jumping and crying all at the same time. This is just fantastic!

Amy said...

Congratulations!! You are pregnant!! I bet it will take a while to sink in...I know I kept taking pregnancy tests for two weeks as couldn't believe it. Enjoy! It's ok to be scared too. I so happy for you, what an amazing early Christmas gift!! Love from Australia xoxo

Anonymous said...

Omg, so happy for you!!!!! I think it's twins;)

Ashley said...

oh my goodness!!! This is amazing news~!! I am soo entirely happy for you!! Isn't it the best yet scariest thing ever?! But promise me one thing - this got me through the long wait between appointments - take each day and enjoy it unless you have an actual reason not to. don't let fear control your pregnancy. live in the moment. Being a living miracle and carrying one is not something I imagined for myself either, but being here I just want to embrace it and not take one thing forgranted!! Congrats MAMA!!!

Janet Sainsbury said...

This is amazing news and I'm over the moon happy for you. Congratulations!!

the blogivers said...

Praise the Lord! Best news ever :) so happy for you, friend!!!

bellehavendrive said...

Thank you JESUS!!!! Aubrey, this is absolutely amazing!!!! I am so thrilled for you. Congratulations! You are my frickin' hero, Aubrey! xoxoxoxoxo

Elyse said...

Congratulations...God is SO good!!! I pray that God sustains the precious life (or lives) growing inside of you!!

Elyse said...

Congrats!! God is SO good!!! I pray that God sustains the precious life (or lives) growing inside of you!!!

Stay Crafty My Friends said...

Praising God with you!!!! YOU ARE GOING TO BE A MOM. SO happy for y'all!!!!!! I know you are more than thrilled!!!!!!

Elisha Kearns said...

Praise God for this miracle (or miracles) He has given you! YAY!!! I'm so excited for you! The devil has been trying to keep you from getting pregnant and he lost so now he is trying to put fear and worry inside of you in order to steal this happy and joyous time for you and your hubby. Keep being happy and trusting that God will keep you and your lil baby (or babies) safe :) I am praying for you to have a healthy, and safe pregnancy that is free from all complications :)

Sarah Ish said...

HURRRRRRRRRRRRAY! You are knocked up!!!!! I'm so happy and excited for you BOTH!!!!! Oh Aubrey!!

Mrs. Lost said...

OH MY GOSH AUBREY!!! Congratulations! Aren't those two lines beautiful??? I am so happy for you guys!! I will be praying for an amazing 9 months!

gypsymamamia said...

YES!!! I am soooo happy for you Aubrey! You have been through SO much, and you've been such a good support to me and many other women. I just knew this was going to be your time. Yayyy!! xo

Sarah said...

Oh Aubrey I am so very happy for you! I've been checking your blog daily for the past week for updates!! What beautiful numbers! Good for you for going out and getting an HPT! You are so deserving of this and more! Congrats to you snd your hubby!!!

Meredith said...

Congratulations!!! That is so exciting. Just take it one day at a time and enjoy every minute :) I had a good feeling about you this month ... especially after seeing those blasts. Here's to a nice, smooth pregnancy!

Caroline said...

Yay!!! YAY YAY YAY!!! Congrats girl. This is WONDERFUL news. Praise the Lord!!!! Fear robs of us God's blessings! 2 Timothy 1:7 - God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of LOVE, POWER and SELF control! Don't let that fear dictate this pregnancy. Continue to believe and rebuke that enemy!

JJ said...

This totally made my day (I was having a crappy one so this news is a welcome piece of good news!)! So very excited for you and remember all of those feelings of hesitation, fear and so on so very well. Enjoy each moment! Oh, and pee on lots and lots of sticks - it doesn't get old for a while!

Stephanie said...

That is so freakin' exciting, Aubrey! I am so utterly ecstatic for you! CONGRATS! :)

Diana said...

I'm so thrilled for you!!! I've been following you for a while, but I don't comment often :) I'm DOR too and also got a BFP on my third fresh IVF - I'm awaiting my first ultrasound tomorrow - so many emotions! So many congrats to you & your husband!!! <3

nogoodeggs said...

oh my god I just gasped out loud at my desk when I saw that second line!!!!! SOOOOOOO FREAKIN' EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!

Anonymous said...

YAY! Congratulations! So, so excited for you!

You've been through so much and I love your story, because it gives me hope.

Take care!

Ariane said...

Wonderful news, congratulations!

Elizabeth said...

I'm leaving behind lurkerdom to tell you how happy I was to see this. You've struggled for a very, very long time. I send my very best wishes for a healthy pregnancy.

Anonymous said...

God is good!!! So so exciting!! Brace yourself, I had numbers that were pretty much exactly the same and I'm 22 weeks pregnant with twin boys after our IVF!!
Here's to a happy and healthy pregnancy!!!

Amanda said...

Praise God! I'm so happy for you!!!!!

Laura said...

AGHHHHHHHHH!!! This brought tears to my eyes! Congrats, I am so happy for you guys!!

JoJo said...

Oh Aubrey, this post brought tears to my eyes. You have endured so much that it was about time you got a break from bad news. I will keep praying your pregnancy will continue to progress. Just enjoy the fact that u are pregnant.

Kandie Walker said...

Thank you Lord!! I am so so excited for you both!!! eeek!!! Don't stress! Enjoy every minute of it!! I can't wait to watch your progress!

Lisa {Amateur Nester} said...

Wonderful news!

Ms DanL said...

I love that you POAS at home just to see it in person; I would do the same thing! :) This is wonderful news! Looking forward to updates!

lo @ crazy ever after said...

Aubrey, my heart is just so, so, sooo happy for you. Best news I've heard in a long time.

Anonymous said...

Twins!

infertilityabsurdity said...

Yay, yay, yay!!! So thrilled to see this news. Congratulations!

Melissa said...

Aubrey!!!!! I am sitting in the cafeteria at work on my lunch break and in tears bc of this post!!!!! Congrats!!! Praying for a safe and healthy pregnancy! So incredibly happy for you!!!! Thank you, Jesus!!!!!!!!

Nikki Miller said...

Tears... So happy for you, Nick and your family & Friends and of course big sister Bella. I don't comment often but I really enjoy reading your blog. As a fellow Northeastern and CT girl, CONGRATS!!

billur amber dilberoğlu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aislinn said...

Oh my gosh Aubrey! I'm so thrilled for you! I can't wait to follow you on your pregnancy journey!

Jennifer Juniper said...

This made me cry happy tears!! I am so happy for you!!!! Congrats!!!!

Sally said...

Amazing, Aubrey!!!!!!! So happy for you!!! Can't wait to hear more good news from you!!! This is so wonderful!!! xoxo

awardrnbsn said...

Oh my goodness!! I'm so happy for you!! Congrats!!!!!

shay said...

i am so so so so happy for you! this is the best news i've heard (read) all day! whoo hoo! congrats!!

muddyfeelings said...

Many, many congratulations!!!! Wish you a happy and healthy nine months!!

Infertile625 said...

Awesome! Amazing! With those high numbers....... Could it be...... May it....... Oh boy...... Be twins????

teamhop said...

Beautiful! Congrats mama!!!

Katie said...

Yay!!! Congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you!!

Stephanie said...

I've never commented before but I had to tell you how happy I am for you! I've been going through my own struggle and seeing someone else succeed makes me have hope. Best of luck to you!

Meg Brink said...

Hey there! First and foremost- CONGRATULATIONS! I found your blog through another IF blog I follow and when I saw the post title I had to say congrats. As I read your timeline, I just kept saying "wow". I truly from the bottom of my heart, am SO happy for you.

My husband and I went through two rounds of IVF, after being told we were unable to pursue any other forms of treatment because our bodies apparently were just that infertile (I can at least joke about that part now...when I'm not hormonal or having a moment at least:)). While I didn't go through the hell you had to, I know to a degree how heartbreaking this journey can me. And to see someone come out on the other side always makes me feel so joyous. Especially to read a little piece of your journey, you truly without a doubt deserve this blessing. You are a true inspiration! You seem like an amazing woman and I can't wait to follow the rest of your journey. I will be keeping you and your baby/babies in my thoughts & prayers.

M

Anonymous said...

Dear Aubrey
I have been following your blog for a few months and have been inspired by your courage, tenacity, and ability to keep some hope despite such a difficult path. I am SO THRILLED to hear this wonderful news. Those are beautiful, very strong numbers. I will keep thinking of you and praying for a healthy pregnancy
Karen

Aramis said...

This. Is. Awesome. **HUGS**

Anonymous said...

Hi Aubrey,
I have been reading your blog for several months. I have seen your strength and courage through your journey and have been so humbled by your constant spirit of hope.
My husband and I also struggled with infertility for two years and know of the heartbreak and pain. We had 5 failed IUI's and 1 failed IVF. It was on our second IVF that we achieved success!! My first beta was 331 and we found out at our ultrasound that we are having twins!!
I feel like you could be having twins as well!! I am truly excited for you and your husband and I was thrilled when I saw your pregnancy post!! Wishing you many more happy moments ahead… there are so many people (even ones that you may not know) that are cheering for you and sharing in your happiness!!

Helen

Anonymous said...

Have been reading your blog for a few months now and am so happy for you! Congratulations on your exciting news. Thank you for sharing your struggles. Can't wait to read the rest of your journey. Best of luck.

Merrie said...

Congratulations to you both!! That's so exciting -- I will be following along and keeping you all in prayer. :)

Bren said...

WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!! Congratulations!!! Hooray for the super high HCG numbers! I am so excited for you and can't wait to hear more good news! xoxo

Bren said...

WOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!! Congratulations to you and Nick! Hooray for the super high HCG levels. I love that you did the POAS pic to make it official :) I am so excited for you and can't wait to hear more good news! xoxo, Bren

wherethebleepisourstork said...

Such great news!! Congrats!

Anonymous said...

I've been checking in on your blog and can't tell you how happy I am for you!!! Congratulations!

Kathy said...

Literally burst into tears when I saw this. I am so so so happy for you! What a blessing!!!

JenS said...

This news made my day!!!! I was just thinking about you and opened my computer specifically to see if you had posted anything yet. This is exactly what I was hoping to find. I am so freakin' excited for you!
Those beta numbers are great. The early days are scary and there are still many hurdles to get over, but you got over the first one and that is huge. Enjoy this time as much as you can. You are pregnant!! Yay!

Anonymous said...

Amazing news! I've been following your blog for months and you sooooo deserve this! Congrats!!

meanttobemommy said...

Amazing! I am so happy and excited for you! What wonderful news!

Mrs B. said...

I just knew this would be it for you! I'm thinking twins! Welcome to the move from crazy paranoid infertile to crazy paranoid pregnant woman. Hehehehe! So happy for you guys.

kharini said...

Huge congratulations Aubrey, how amazing this is!! So happy for you, for both of you, enjoy every second of it!!

Amber said...

I am grinning ear to ear for you! I'm so happy to read this post! Those fears, yeah, they don't go away. They just shift to knew things, adjusting to the path along the way. Fantastic beta numbers, great second line, so much rejoicing! How many embabies did you transfer? I'm inclined to lean toward two with those beta numbers. I cannot wait to follow your pregnancy journey!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Such WONDERFUL news, so happy for you both!

Bren38 said...

YAY!!! You don't know me but I've been following you, and have been waiting for your announcement! You truly give me hope, I start my first IVF next month and am so scared... but your strength has given me strength! Congrats!!!

Em said...

I am just crying and crying and CRYING! So absolutely thrilled for you. Wow!

Darcie K said...

YAY!!!!!! What beautiful, bold, pink lines!!!!! I am over the moon happy for you, girl! Those are some amazing Beta #'s as well! Congrats, Aubrey and Nick. You two are going to be the best parents!!!! xoxo

Sarah said...

I got chills when I read that first line. Congrats! This is so amazing!!!!!!! I'm so thrilled for you both!!

conceptionallychallenged said...

This is wonderful. I'm so very very happy for you. Fingers crossed that everything keeps going well!!

Court said...

Congratulations Momma! I have tears in my eyes typing this. I'm just so happy for you!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Congrats! DH & I have been TTC for over 7 years...stories like yours are always confirmation that God is good & has a plan for us all. Just found your blog today & I dont think it was an accident :)

Jessica Elyse @ Memoirs of a Mommy said...

YAY!!!!! Congratulations momma. So happy for you guys.

Onee said...

Good evening sweetheart. I am so new to this. 2 IUIs so far produced 2 BFNs. So we are now on our very first (praying it's our last) IVF cycle. 7 eggs=3 grade A embryos all implanted on 17 November. The 2 week wait is killing me. 6 days left to go. I decided to start reading IVF blogs as I can't even begin to pretend that I could survive this period without thinking IVF. Thanks for bravely sharing your story. You're giving me so much hope. I pray that all goes well and can't wait to read more posts from you.HUGE HUGE HUG and congrats on being pregnant!!!

Anonymous said...

Ahhhh!!!! So incredibly happy for you! I've posted here once before - I also got preg at CCRM. We put two day 3 embryos back. My betas were 355 and 1236 and I had twins in April!! Based on your numbers my guess is that there's two in there. It's an embarrassment of riches!!

Christen said...

Crying over here!!! This is the BEST news ever!! Soooo excited for you!!!!!

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

SOOO happy for you. Those are twin betas, i believe. Best wishes!!

Anonymous said...

Oh God, i am soooo sooo so happy! I've been following your blog (found you through Suzanne) i too, have DOR and when i read this this morning, i cried with happiness! So happy

Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimples said...

You know from our private emails that I am so beyond happy for you my friend. I am so happy for your miracle and will be cheering you on along the way. :)

Amy said...

Aubrey! Congratulations!!! I am so very happy that you have been given a miracle.

Sarah said...

Haven't heard from you in a couple weeks my friend!! Everything ok?!?!!? :)

Anonymous said...

Sarah, I was wondering the same thing….praying no news is good news!

Anonymous said...

Yes I'm dying to hear how your first u/s went!! Please post an update about how you're feeling! If you're anything like I was during my twin pregnancy, you're in bed at 8 PM every night so I'm sure it's been hard to post.

Amanda said...

I'm with Sarah, too. Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way!!! ((please update all of us nervous Nellies)) =)

rainbeforerainbow said...

Aubrey, I don't know how I missed this post, but I am SO incredibly happy for you!!! This put a huge smile on my face this morning. I can't wait to hear more about your pregnancy as it progresses!

Ashley Sanderson said...

SO excited for you! We also did IVF and my due date is July 21. We are pregnant with one beautiful baby and I can't wait to find out what it is! :) So excited to follow you along on your journey! :)

Ashley
Man and Wife and Two Fur Babies

 
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