Saturday, July 20, 2013

Moving forward with a plan...

I've been away for the past week at a work conference and while it was beyond exhausting, it was a week that kept me busy, which was exactly what I needed.  I spent the week like a normal person, even indulging in caffeinated coffee (GASP!) and a few (maybe too many one or two of the nights) glasses of wine or beer during our dinner and evening events.  I needed that - the coffee, the wine, the beer... the feeling of being normal.  Since returning from Colorado, I've felt lost, distant, sad and frustrated.  I didn't have time to dwell on those feelings last week, though, which was a blessing.

While away, I had a re-group with my doctor, who actually helped me to re-direct my feelings on IVF #5 (I shudder just writing that.  I have had F-I-V-E retrievals.  Ugh.).  I had been completely focused on what didn't happen this cycle: five of my seven eggs did not fertilize.  But, my doctor wasn't too surprised by this because of the fact that three of my local retrievals only resulted in four eggs with only two having fertilized each of those times.  Instead, my doctor was actually focused on the good that came out of this cycle: seven eggs retrieved.  And, I guess I had sort of forgot about that.

So, with that conversation came a plan.  I will be on a different protocol this time, with just as aggressive of an approach as my protocol last cycle.  The kitchen sink will, again, be thrown at me, but you know what?  Bring.It.On.  I'm hopeful that this protocol will result in just as many eggs retrieved and with a better fertilization result.  I'm trusting my doctor because that's really all I can do.

My cycle started yesterday and I began my priming meds.  I fasted all day (so not fun) and had my first blood draw of this cycle.  I have a calendar, all with tentative dates right now, but I have a plan.  And having a plan makes me feel better.  I'm moving forward, I'm focusing on IVF #6 (oh, that so just breaks my heart) and I'm trying to muster up every last ounce of hope and faith that I can.  I'm ready...

...even though I'm really tired of this and am really scared.  Really, really scared.

21 comments:

nogoodeggs said...

7 is good! A plan always makes me feel better too. I am glad you are ready for this! Do they have a good idea of why there is a low fertilization rate? Egg quality or sperm quality? What about the egg makes it resistant to being fertilized? We will be here to support you for the next round!

the blogivers said...

I am glad your doctor helped you to look on the bright side, and even more glad you have a plan and can get the ball rolling! I hate that you have been feeling so down since your Colorado trip - you sure are good at putting on a brave face though, because I would never have guessed just how bummed you were when I met you in the airport :( Praying!

Gypsy Mama said...

You're right. All we can do is trust our Doctors.

So glad to hear you had some fun and were able to forget your stresses for a little while. I will be here cheering you on until you get your BFP my friend :)

Amanda said...

It sounds like you've got a good team with a great plan in place! =)

Christen said...

You are so courageous and strong going through all of this. Seriously. Thinking of you a lot even if I don't officially *know* you and am praying that 6th time is the CHARM!!!!

Emily said...

You are amazing and armed with a plan, girl! Hoping your RE learned lots of lessons from this cycle and that #6 blows all the others out of the water!!!

bellehavendrive said...

I love plans and am very excited for you! And it sounds like your doctor is very optimistic and ready to tackle this thing. Oh, I LOVE you were able to indulge in some "normal" big girl beverages at your conference. As always, prayers coming your way!

Melissa said...

Maybe this is it. I am hoping with you & praying for you! Thanks for letting me talk to you via email. Infertility SUCKS.

xoxo

Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimples said...

So glad you got a chance to feel normal for a while...that's important! So glad you have a plan and hope that we both get to celebrate our BFPs this year.

JoJo said...

You are a courageous woman! I admire your strength in this journey. Glad you have indulged in some big girl drinks and got to experience some normal activities. Sometimes we just have to let go and enjoy our livesa little. Your Dr seems so optimistic about your new protocol so I say just go with his confidence!! Praying and rooting for you all the way!!

Team Harries said...

so glad you got time away and were able to have some fun nights out! Glad you have a plan and looking forward to continuing on your journey with you!

Aramis said...

I know how you feel. None of us plans to be on this road for so long, and you've been through a lot. I really hope this cycle gives you lots of great eggs!

Sarah said...

Yay for "you" time! I'm glad you had that, we all need it while we trudge through this crazy journey. I think of you often and hope this cycle brings you your miracle :)

Amanda said...

I'm so proud of you... jumping right back in this. Bring. It. On. You're so amazing Aubrey!

Let's not focus on the number of IVF you're on... no more IVF #6 stuff... let's call it THE IVF, or something awesome and empowering and uplifting! Believing with you that this is going to bring answers, solutions, and a miracle! Hugs!

Kandie Walker said...

Praying for you! I am amazed by your strength and determination! So glad that I found your blog so I can follow your journey and be here to celebrate with you when your time comes! :)

Emily said...

You have been through so much and you really deserve this to be your IT cycle. Having a plan is indeed helpful to keep moving forward, and I am so glad they are planning on doing something different this time around. It just seems less promising when they just say, "We'll just do it all over again and change nothing." Now that they've worked with you and know your body a little better from first hand experience, I bet a little tweak will make all the difference in the world. You are in the best hands possible! Keep going and have faith that this WILL work out!

JenS said...

I think it's great you were able to be distracted and just be normal for a week. I am sure you needed that.
I am glad you have a plan to move forward. You have been through so much. I admire your strength to keep going. It isn't easy and not everyone could do it. I really hope this works. I have everything crossed for you.

Well-intentioned said...

It's always so much more encouraging when you get to actually having a plan! I'm excited for you! Full Plan Ahead!

Sarah said...

We HAVE to trust our doctors, especially in times like this. And a plan is definitely a good thing! Excited and hoping and praying and sending you positive thoughts (as always). And hey, I know this was Sat, but I started my cycle then too. So you know what that makes us? CYCLE SISTERS. HA! :)

dspence said...

Thinking of and praying for you. xo

Amber said...

Even though it was a work conference, I'm so glad you were able to spend a week just being a "normal" person. It sounds like you also were able to have a few nights of fun! Sounds like you are rejuvenated and ready for this next cycle. I also have to say, another positive, although I wish you didn't HAVE to go through all this, is that you are ABLE to go on to IVF #6. You are determined to make this work and I so admire you for that. You are a strong woman Aubrey, and I pray this cycle brings amazing results for you.

 
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