Endometrial Biopsy Take Two

I just got home from my doctor's appointment.  Silly me forgot to take ibuprofen before my appointment and so now my body absolutely hates me.  Of all the infertility procedures I've had in the past two years, the endometrial biopsy is the one that hurts me the most.  I've only had one before today's and I'm hoping that I'll never need to have one again... ever.  I'm glad it's over, that's for sure!

I'll start by saying that I was just like a fish out of water as I sat in the waiting area at my ObGyn's office waiting to be called back for my procedure.  Aside from the very elderly woman (probably there for her annual exam) (who told the young woman sitting next to her that she has six children), everyone there either had an infant with them or a ginormously round belly to sport.  Of course, this sorority of women were conversing and sharing stories of labor & delivery, nursing and hospital tours.  I sat there ashamed, embarrassed and more uncomfortable than I've ever felt before.  I wanted, so badly, to run out of there, but I knew I couldn't.  I also wanted to ask the receptionist to hang fliers about National Infertility Awareness Week.  Let's face it, many women battling infertility still have to be seen at their ObGyn's office.  I can't help but to wonder if the woman in the waiting room with the giant stomach, who is due on Saturday, would have lessened her dramatic "I caaaaaaannnnnnnnnn't waaaaaaaaaaaaait to be done with this pregnancy!" talk, had she seen a flier about those who aren't in her shoes... and who so long and wish to be... Maybe, right?

The Nurse Practitioner at my ObGyn's office performed my biopsy and it was very... sad.  You see, about a year after trying to conceive on our own before turning to medical professionals for help, I initially met with this same NP.  She quickly turned me over to my local RE after seeing my first-ever FSH result (which was 10, at the time).  Being in that office today made me realize just how much I've been through in the past two years.  It's excruciating to think about, really.  The NP was wonderful today, though - she was very comforting and empathetic.  Before performing the biopsy, she did a quick check of my uterus and said "wow, you have such a nice uterus" - I kid you not, those words absolutely came out of her mouth.  Two years into infertility treatment consisting of 3 IUI's, 4 IVF's and 1 FET, I seem to have somehow developed a sense of humor about it all.  I responded to this weird comment about my uterus by saying yeah, well, here's hoping my 'nice' uterus will be of use someday! Ha ha ha".  OK, that's not really funny.  I take that back.  Two years of infertility treatment hasn't made me funny at all. 

Anyway... the biopsy itself killed, as expected, and two hours later I'm still just as crampy as I was when laying on the table having some of my endometrial lining scraped out of me.  Not fun.  But, it's over and for that I'm thankful!  The sweet NP hugged me and wished me lots of luck after she packaged up my lining so I could take it with me (seriously, I took my lining with me).  I then drove (with a piece of my endometrial lining in the front seat) to a FedEx drop-off location and this is where we parted ways.  My lining is off to be checked for the BETA 3 integrin.  If missing, then this could possibly be why I haven't been the slightest bit pregnant five transfers later (the BETA 3 integrin is a protein that assists with implantation).

I initially chose to move forward with the BETA 3 test because I want to rule out anything I can that may have restricted me from becoming pregnant in the past.  I also want to move forward with my next cycle having as much information under my belt as I possibly can.  My doctors (neither locally nor at CCRM) did not recommend this test for me.  Rather, I researched and ordered it for myself (prior to my ODWU at CCRM).  While at CCRM a couple of weeks ago, I let my doctor know that I'd be having the test.  He was totally on board with it and agrees that anything I can do to rule something out is a positive.  But, as I think about getting the results of this test, I'm a bit worried.  You see, if my results come back showing that I have sufficient BETA 3 in my lining, then that's not the issue.  That wouldn't be what is causing implantation to fail.  So, in that case, I'll be left to believe that it's something else... something else as in: lethally fatal embryos (these are the exact words of Dr. S).  Now, this wouldn't be for certain, but it would be a huge possibility.  We've already decided that we will definitely do CCS genetic testing on any embryos that we get from our cycle with CCRM.  And to be honest, I don't know how I would process having no genetically normal embryos.  It would, for sure, be a huge punch in the gut - the possibility that my eggs and Nick's sperm can't produce a genetically normal-enough embryo to implant, to develop into a life... ugh, that just paralyzes me.  But... I can't go there.  Not yet, at least. 

I'm not really sure what to even pray for at this point... Good results showing a sufficient amount of BETA 3 in my lining, or bad results, showing not enough BETA 3 in my lining?  I'm at a loss.  And so, with that, I'm going to dry my eyes and get back to working from home... and snuggling Belle... and trying not to think about what will be...