Thursday, July 10, 2014

It Gets Me Every Single Time...

I just watched the season finale of Giuliana and Bill (a few weeks late) and as I sit here in tears, I'm reminded of my journey... and specifically, my journey of cycling at CCRM (all while I listen to my two miracle babies cooing in the pack n' play next to me... And that makes me cry even more!).  In this episode, G & B learned that, while everything went perfectly, their Gestational Carrier is not pregnant.  Their single embryo transfer did not work.  Cue the biggest lump in my throat.  You might be asking yourself, why is she so emotional over these celebrities who already have a miracle baby from a prior cycle?... Well, it's because this episode reminded me, in an instant, just how differently my story could have played out.
 

I know the feeling of receiving that dreaded call.  The call where the doctor is on the other end of the line telling you that you're not pregnant.  That you won't be having a baby in 9 months.  That, yet again, you will cry yourself to sleep, grieve, feel more anger than you knew ever existed deep within your soul.  I experienced seven of those calls before receiving the call that would forever change my life.  I still don't know how I had the strength to keep fighting.  To keep working toward what would become my sweet Austin and my sweet Camden.  Where did that strength come from?  How did I put it all on the line over and over and over again?  And how do so many of you do that, too?

CCRM: Retrieval #1
CCRM: Retrieval #2
I don't know that I will ever have the answer to how I did it... but wow... I'm glad I did.  I'm glad that I fought as hard as I did.  I'm glad that I put all of my faith and trust in God's hands as he worked wonders through the mind and hands of the magnificent Dr. Schoolcraft.  And as he worked wonders through my amazing nurse, the brilliant embryologists and everyone else who had a hand in my journey at CCRM.  I will be eternally grateful for everyone who had a part in every single step of my journey through infertility.

CCRM: Post Transfer
Because of them, I am sitting here, where I am today.  I am living my dream.  They are my dream:
 
 
 

25 comments:

Karissa v said...

So happy for you I cant wait for my miracle little boy to get here Due Nov 24 after our second round of IVF your story is amazing!

Caroline said...

So sweet Aubrey! Love your testimony and admire your strength and faith to continue to endure and press on!!!

Amanda said...

Aww geez, my eye makeup looked particularly nice today. : )

I'm so happy for you Aubrey, so, so happy! You're right, it could have gone so differently. Even with CCRM's help, those beautiful blasts could have failed... I have no answers as to why it works when it works and why is doesn't the other 8 billion times that we want it just as much. No answers. But I do know that you deserved your success and you deserve every happy, sweet, precious, moment you have with your little miracles!

Bren said...

I love your amazing testimony to God's faithfulness in our trials. You are so, so strong and so gracefully thankful for your sweet blessings. Austin and Camden are so lucky to have you for their mama!

Erika said...

Ahhhhh chillbumps!! So thankful for your sweet miracle babies!!

JoJo said...

Eeek! I cried on that episode too. I wiped my tears and told J, "I know exactly how she feels." It was heartbreaking. I'm elated that your cycle turned out the way it did and you have two sweet miracles by your side.

Sarah said...

You truly are inspirational my friend. It's because of your faith and strength that you now have two of the most adorable little men!!!!

Allison Glover said...

You have grit and heart my friend! You are one tough woman! So proud of you. You deserve absolutely every ounce of those babies you've been given. I'm so glad you didn't give up; you are an inspiration. No excuses for the quitters now. So sorry to read about G & B. I love them! Sucks they had to endure another failure, but how awesome if them to share their story. Xoxo

Beth and Harrison said...

Such a beautiful post. And don't worry, you aren't alone. I always cry watching Giullianna and Bill! Your boys are so precious and I am so glad they (and you) are doing so well!

the blogivers said...

Love this! And those babies look good on you :)

Ashley Sanderson said...

God allows us to go through it because He made us strong enough to do so! And through that we can give others strength and hope that they too will be parents one day! Way to make an emotional pregnant woman cry! ;)

Sally said...

Perfect! So happy for you:))

Infertile625 said...

I love G & B. That episode confused me because the gestational carrier actually did get pregnant and then miscarried at 9 weeks. My guess is that it was too painful for them to relive that moment of happiness, when they found out Delphie was pregnant only to know what actually came of the cycle. So sad either way. Glad your story has a happy ending and you are enjoying your littles as much as you are!

Aramis said...

I've never seen the show, but just hearing about it gives me anxiety. Those calls are the worst. Thank goodness you never have to get one like it again!

DeNae v said...

I am so sorry your road to motherhood was so terribly painful and exhausting. Those beautiful boys are so lucky to call you mama and you will fight for them forever, especially since you know just how incredibly strong you are!

rainbeforerainbow said...

You look so happy with them in your arms. As it should be. So, so happy for you! :)

Ashley said...

Love this post!! Soo honest. I found myself upset for B and G too! Brings up a lot if hard felt emotions they we have experienced all to well! But I love our endings even more!! Love those pics of you and the boys!!

Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimples said...

Oh goodness! This post really got me. I'm so happy you are living your dream, my friend. You deserve those sweet boys. So glad you kept fighting.

Holly Olsen said...

yay! so happy for you! all that heart ache and waiting has surely paid off! your boys are adorable! and you look so content. blessings to you new mama!

Elisha Kearns said...

Aubrey! Somehow you fell of my blogger newsfeed and I wondered what happened! But I got you back and am finally go back and reading your posts! Your babies are precious! xo

waitingforbabybird.com

Jennifer Prod said...

oh gosh, this post touched my heart and made me sob the way i imagine you were while you watched that episode. the pain of finding out a baby isn't coming afterall, well, nothing is quite like it, and my heart just splits into pieces whenever i learned that others have experienced that pain. BUT - i love that you ended on such a happy note - your babies are so, so sweet <3

Katie Jeanne said...

So precious <3

Em said...

That's the crazy thing about infertility. It's so intimate that we feel so strongly for anybody, even celebrities, who go through it. I am still just so thrilled for you, friend.

Em said...

Can you even believe it? I still can't believe that they're here and you're their mommy!!! The absolute best.

Huỳnh Hiểu Minh said...

Aubrey! Somehow you fell of my blogger newsfeed and I wondered what happened! But I got you back and am finally go back and reading your posts! Your babies are precious! xo

waitingforbabybird.com
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