Tuesday, April 10, 2012

It's Our Turn Next...

That's what my husband told me today when I called him in tears that I found out that yet another person in my life is pregnant.

It's devastating.  And it makes me feel like a horrible person.  While I truly am excited for this person, I'm heartbroken and devastated for me.  It makes what I'm going through worse (if that's even possible) and it just makes me feel really bad for myself.  It's hard to put my exact feelings into words.  My eyes well up in tears before I can even get the words about how I'm feeling out of my mouth.  It's the lump in your throat type of feeling.  And it's a lump that just won't go away.

Of course I'm in the midst of my IVF cycle, and as if all of this infertility "stuff" isn't emotional enough, I'm jacked up on hormones right now.  My last IUI cycle with injectibles had me on a dosage of 150 units at the highest.  For this cycle, I took 300 units (DOUBLE!!) for three nights and then dropped to 225 units for the fourth night.  After my doctor's appt. today, I learned that there's "not much activity".  Therefore, my doctor is increasing my dose to 450 units for the next three nights!  Needless to say, I'm a hormonal basketcase.

Back to the doctor on Friday.  Hopefully then I'll have more information and a better understanding of when my egg retrieval will be.  In need of lots of baby dust right now!

Aubrey Blair

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