I Believe in Miracles

I can't even believe that these words are coming out of my mouth, but.... it worked!  It actually worked!  I.... am.... pregnant.  It is a miracle.  I am living proof of a miracle.

Somehow, I held out and didn't POAS during the entire nine day wait.  My blood test was on Friday morning and I waited all day for the call from CCRM.  It was the longest wait of my life.... but it was so worth it!  My nurse called and told me that my HCG level was 394.... a number I will always remember.  She told me I was four weeks pregnant and that my due date is July 24th.  Still, I can't believe it.... at all.

I went back for more blood work on Sunday and as many of you know, they were looking for my HCG level to double, or for it to just be close to having doubled.  I was nervous all day waiting for the call, but when it came in, I was elated.  My HCG level two days later was 1,301.... another number I will always remember.  That was my last HCG check.  Now, I will go to my local fertility clinic for weekly blood draws to check my estrogen and progesterone levels so that my meds can be adjusted, if necessary.  My first ultrasound is in two weeks and I'm already on pins and needles just thinking about that day....

After learning that I was in fact pregnant, I finally drove to the drugstore and bought a box of pregnancy tests.  Nick was hesitant for me to take the test - we both have very bad memories from those darn sticks.  But, I told him that I just had to see two lines.... something that until Sunday morning, I've never seen.

Of course with all of this excitement and happiness comes a wave of other emotions.  First and foremost: fear.  It's so early.  So, so, early.  Most 'normal' people probably wouldn't even know yet that they're pregnant.  And that's scary.  There are a lot of hurdles that we'll have to jump over in the coming weeks and months.  But, I'm trying really hard not to focus on all of my fear and worry.  I'm trying to be happy in this moment.... a moment that after six IVF retrievals and transfers, I never imagined possible.  I had started to think that I just couldn't get pregnant.  That there was something more wrong with me that no doctor, not even one of the best in the world, could see.  I was wrong, though.  I can get pregnant.  I am pregnant.  And I will forever be thankful to those who helped get me to where I am today. 

I believe in miracles.  I'm living proof of one.

flowers from the man who I know will be the best daddy in the world!