I started Prometium this morning. I'm instructed to take this oral pill (not orally, but rather, in the hoo-ha) twice a day: once in the morning and then again before bed. My nurse told me to lay down for fifteen minutes after inserting it (gross) to make sure it's fully absorbed (double gross). So, I set my alarm for 5:30 a.m., did my thing and then went back to bed for another fifteen minutes. I'll be taking this for ten days. It's been sort of chaotic keeping track of when to start and stop taking all of the meds that I've been on and am currently on for this priming cycle (and I know it'll only get worse when I start my stim cycle). It's crazy. I had meant to buy an old person's day-of-the-week pill box, but then realized that all of the pills I'm on wouldn't fit into one of the day's little boxes, so I nixed that idea pretty quickly.
Yesterday, as we were driving to work, I was flipping through my trusty CCRM binder that they gave us at our ODWU. I knew that 'The Payment' is scheduled to take place soon but I wasn't exactly sure when (we will be charged in full for this IVF cycle prior to starting any stims - hence, the rush in calling our credit card company begging for a higher limit. Thankfully, they obliged when my husband told them it was for a personal medical issue.). While browsing, I stumbled upon the 'medications' tab. Knowing I was scheduled to start Prometrium today (note: of what feels like the hundreds of meds I actually have been on in the past, Prometrium isn't one of them), I figured I'd read about what I would soon be inserting into my hoo-ha...
"Oh great" I muttered to Nick. "One of the side effects from the pill I'm supposed to start taking tomorrow is depression."
"Grrrrrrrrreat", he replied.
"At least you're forewarned" I said.
Ha! As if I'm not already depressed. I mean, I am depressed, right? I sure as heck feel depressed. Infertility has sucked the life right out of me for the past two and a half years. Recently, I even caught myself telling (well, texting. These days texting = talking/telling to me) my roommate from college that the past two and a half years of my life feels like a complete waste. When I stop and really think about that comment, I feel ashamed. It makes me sad. But, the part about it that makes me the most sad is the part about it that's the truth. Because it is the truth. A part of me really does feel that way. I know a part of me has experienced a bit more depression with every passing month that I've learned I'm not pregnant. A part of me has felt like I haven't really lived since dealing with the ridiculousness of infertility. This is something I struggle with, not daily, but - hourly. It's constant. I know I'm sad, I know I'm depressed - but I do think I at least try to act like a normal person despite those feelings. Normally, though, it's a battle that I lose on the hour, every hour.
Anyhow, in addition to hoping that this little devil of a pill doesn't cause me to want to hide in bed under the covers more so than I already do, I'm also hoping that it doesn't delay my next cycle too much. My anxiety is through the roof about whether or not I'll miss any of my new(ish) job training.
You're killing me, infertility!
Veteran's Day
3 weeks ago
23 comments:
I SO relate to that feeling that time has been wasted. I have tried my very hardest to not live cycle-to-cycle and to try to enjoy my moments, but infertility wins almost every time. Awesome planned trip? Well, I might be in the midst of an IVF cycle and will probably need monitoring mid-vacay. Most of my day to day life probably appears to be unchanged, but so many experiences have been overshadowed by bump jealousy and a mind preoccupied by baby making. I feel ya. I'm pretty sure I took prometrium and do not remember any increased depression, so I'll hope the same for you!
I always thought there was a difference between the oral and hoo-ha pills... but maybe not. It's gross, I'll go ahead and tell you that. You won't absorb it all... you'll leak. But it's better than the one I'm on (Crinone)... I'd rather ooze than cottage cheese to fall out. YUCK!
And keep looking for the pill holder... they make huge ones. It made my life much easier. You could get two if you needed: morning and night.
LOVE YOU!!!!
Matt has the giant morning-night pill holder. :) It's really sexy. Speaking of sexy...pills up the hoo-ha! WOO! Girl, you live on the wild side. ;) Love you, hoping you will experience the lesser-known Prometrium side effect of DELIRIOUS HAPPINESS AND JOY! (it could happen?)
stock up on pantyliners!
So sorry you have been feeling down. I know how you feel, its so hard not to feel like your life is passing you by. There are so many days when I just feel stagnant, or like I'm on a treadmill running and running but going nowhere. We just have to believe that things are all going to turn out in the end. Stay strong my friend! xo
Sort of seems like INFERTILITY should come with a warning label of all these possible side effects! And I'm with Erika - here's to hoping the Prometrium has the opposite effect on you ;)
Aubrey-
I went through a lot of depression over the years of our infertility treatments.....do what you can and need to for yourself. For me, I was in counseling weekly (still am, but can go longer between), and I was on medication for some time too. It doesn't mean that your weak, sometimes we just need a little help and that is really OK.
Sending you warm thoughts and hugs!
I had to take Prometrium before but NOT up the hoo-ha... haha! I do not remember it causing me to be depressed, though. Praying that it has the opposite effect on you! It could happen! :)
Praying for you, girl. So much. xo
P.S. I have the giant pill holder! My metformins are HUGE & i take 4 a day. I needed one. Haha. Among other things i have to take. I once saw a CUTE pill-holder & bought it - my pills didn't fit in it. So i had to get the geriatric kind. ;)
Oh honey, I totally know where you are coming from. Depression is no joke. I hope that this cycle is the cure for all of that and more. But if not, don't go this alone. Talk to someone. No one is equipped to go through so much disappointment for so long. :( Sending you all kinds of positive thoughts and love!
oh girl!!! The things you have to go through, wow. I admire you :) Hope that you don't get any the bad side effects. Hugs!
I hate that I feel it, but I feel like I've just been treading water too. My entire first year of marriage has been consumed with my losses. I miss worrying about less monumental, life altering things. Like whether I can afford a beach vacation.
Do whatever you need to to take care of yourself. I'm thinking of you & hoping this is all a bad memory for you very, very soon!!!
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Make sure you are getting the support you need from a professional or a peer group who understands. All of this really sucks and on some level we will not feel better until we have resolved our infertility. But on the other hand we need to be able to live our life with some joy until that point. Don't be afriad to reach out for help. I have and am so glad I have my therapist and my group. And maybe some antianxiety pills for my next cycle!
Sending tons of positive thoughts your way!! Really hoping you experience no side effects and make it through feeling even better than before! I'm with Erika.....maybe you'll get the rare side effect of a random dose of happy!! :)) Thinking of you!! xoxo
Oh Aubrey....I'm guessing that the majority of us have or ARE batteling some degree of depression. This is NOT to minimize your feelings or concerns but only to remind you that you're not alone in this. I see a therapist to try and help stay on the acceptable side of crazy. It helps me. I know it seems almost impossible to make time for one more appointment in the busy day...but doing ANYTHING that helps your mental health is worth it. Sending you hugs!
Oh Aubrey....I'm guessing that the majority of us have or ARE batteling some degree of depression. This is NOT to minimize your feelings or concerns but only to remind you that you're not alone in this. I see a therapist to try and help stay on the acceptable side of crazy. It helps me. I know it seems almost impossible to make time for one more appointment in the busy day...but doing ANYTHING that helps your mental health is worth it. Sending you hugs!
I used prometrium up the hoo ha for numerous medicated cycles and I never noticed a change in mood. That's the great thing about administering pills that way - you get the drug to the target without all the side effects oral drugs have. I hope you have the same effect.
So sorry, Aubrey. I have been there. Those years we were trying to conceive our first baby were...I can't even think of words to describe how tough they were. I was miserable. I was depressed. I felt hopeless. There's this Sarah Groves song that I love...so much so that I got the words printed on canvas and it's hanging in my kitchen. It goes like this:
Hope has a way of turning its face to you
just when you least expect it.
You walk in a room, you look out a window
and something there leaves you breathless.
You say to yourself - it's been a while since I've felt this but it feels like it might be hope.
That's my prayer for you today.
I complete understand your feelings. It's crazy that you can feel so lonely one minute, but be surrounded by women (virtually) that are going through the same heartaches and struggles and understand you perfectly. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I'm sorry for all of us.
Prometrium. It's become a word in our house that basically excuses everything, just shy of murder! haha. My husband doesn't know what's wrong with me, he'll ask, "are you on the promethium?! Ah...makes sense". Poor guy.
It made me VERY emotional. You've been warned. Good luck! :)
Prometrium can cause some weepiness for sure, but I really hope it won't be all that bad for you. On the plus side, you will probably get some of the BEST sleep you've had in a while. Honestly, it's probably my favorite drug to take in the hoo-hah. Ok, that sounded weird...what has my life come to?
One step closer Aubrey! One foot in front of the other and you will get there!
Oh Prometrium...... I created a whole blog post about my hate for the stuff. I did NOT feel any more depressed, yet I did feel weepy, emotional, TIRED, very tired, and hungry. Basically like I was A) already pregnant, which was impossible or B) the worst case of PMS ever. And yes, stock up on the pantyliners!!!!
One step closer... you can do this!!! I truly hope you are one of the lucky ones that don't feel any different on the stuff. xoxo
Hi! I am also cycling at CCRM. I am currently in my priming month. I am on Estrogrn and testosterone right now. I start the promethium June 23. Good luck!
Oh yes, Prometrium is so gross and unpleasant... I'm sorry it's giving you a tough time. I know it's all worth it in the big picture, but that doesn't make it any less unpleasant today. Hang in there!! :)
Oh not prometrium.... Not a fan! I always felt lousy on it, like could barely shower with it in my system. Oh and I do have a seniors pill box... One that has 2 sections for each day and mine just fit! Haha. My FIL makes fun of me because I have one before he does! Hope the meds are kind to you and intense on your ovaries! Lol
I've done pills in the Hoo ha. Yeah, it's gross. I didn't have to lay down for 15 minutes after though. I don't really think there's an issue of absorption, but then again, I'm not a nurse so what do I know? You will leak a little regardless, I'm sure. Actually, now that I think about it, you are probably done with this fun pill by now since I'm so late commenting! Hope it worked and you are on your way to the next phase!
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